How to Have a Natural Miscarriage (No D&C)

by Sarah TheHealthyHomeEconomist March 8, 2012

by Guest Author Stephanie Brandt Cornais of MamaandBabyLove

I recently had a miscarriage. I chose to have a natural miscarriage and let nature take its course at home, instead of opting for a D&C.

A D&C stands for “dilation and curetagge”, a surgical technique where a doctor dilates the cervix and clears the uterine lining using an instrument called a curette.

A D&C is not a pleasant experience.  Avoiding it using natural methods is a highly desirable alternative!

My Natural Miscarriage Story

I was almost 12 weeks along when I miscarried, so it was almost like a mini birth. I was lucky that I have experienced a live, home birth when my daughter was born over two years ago. That, combined with past experiences with miscarriage, helped me to not be afraid of the process. I was very thankful to do everything at home. The physical process was an important part of my overall healing.

Unfortunately for me, after the worst had passed, I continued to bleed and have intermittent contractions. After two full weeks from the time that I passed the baby and placenta, I went back to my OB to get an ultrasound to see if I had retained some piece of the placenta.

I was also fighting a cold virus and showing symptoms of an internal infection in my uterus. My blood was beginning to have a foul odor to it.

The doctor confirmed that I had indeed retained some tissue. Later that day, at my family practice doctor’s office, I had a vaginal exam and my blood drawn to be tested. My iron levels were great, but my white blood count was low indicating an infection was beginning to take root. My family practice doctor is very natural minded and I respect him very much, so when he suggested I take antibiotics, I listened. I hate taking antibiotics and try to avoid them as much as I can, but I felt like the antibiotics were the lesser of two evils when weighing the risks of a D&C. Looking back, if I had been in a better mindset (thinking right and not consumed with grief) I probably would have thought to pull out the natural remedies sooner to avoid having to take antibiotics. But only hindsight is 20/20, and hopefully this post will help someone else in the same situation.

He gave me three days to pass the rest of the tissue on my own or I would have to go the hospital.

I left his office thinking I may have “failed” at this pregnancy, but I am sure not going to “fail” at having a miscarriage. I pulled out my type A, over-ambitious personality and got to work figuring out all the natural remedies that help complete a miscarriage.

Over a three day period, I did many different remedies to help me expel the last of the tissue. And sure enough, it worked. I completed the miscarriage on my own and did not need a D&C.

Hallelujah!

Remedies to Encourage Natural Miscarriage

Here are the remedies I tried, in no particular order:

  • Tea with Dong Quai in it. I drank Traditional Medicine Women’s Moon Cycle tea. I also drank some plain Raspberry Leaf tea.
  • Cinnamon. I couldn’t really find exactly the dosage to take, so I just sprinkled cinnamon on everything I could. The Women’s Moon Cycle tea also has some in it. It tastes great in a glass of raw milk, or on a piece of bread slathered with butter. If you want to be bad, sprinkle on some sugar and you are in for a treat. It’s also great with cumin on a roast in a slow cooker.
  • Acupuncture. My acupuncture doctor did an hour long treatment to help me expel everything. You can do pressure points at home if you want. They are mostly all in your ankles and shins. There is one on your hand as well, the fleshy part in between your first finger and thumb. Basically, all those points that you stay away from when you are pregnant. Yeah, well, now you get to use them. I recommend just massaging the area and whenever you find a tender spot, rub the heck out of it, even if it hurts a bit.
  • Cupping. She also did a technique called cupping. Cupping is known to release congestion and help things that are stuck, physically or energetically, unstick.
  • Energy healing. I had a session with an energy healer and I realized that part of the reason I was holding on to that last bit of tissue was an emotional reason. I emotionally was not ready to fully let go of the pregnancy and my body was reacting to my emotions by holding on to the last bit of tissue.
  • Affirmations. After the energy healing session, I told my body over and over again to let go and release. I also repeated over and over again, “I am healed. I am healthy.”
  • Homeopathy. Both Sabina and Sepia are good for completing a miscarriage. I did Sepia because not only does it help expel the tissue, it helps expel the grief. My homeopathic doctor warned me that it would make me want to curl up in a ball and cry, a lot, and not to be alarmed. I sort of brushed him off and then later that day, I went to a yoga class. Showing up late to said yoga class late, the only spot left was smack dab in the middle of room, next to the instructor. Just my luck! And sure enough, it only took one sun salutation and there I was, the crazy person, silently sobbing in child’s pose for the rest of class. Super embarrassing. So if you take Sepia, stay home!
  • Herbs. Black and Blue Cohosh. I had these on hand and was going to do this at the last moment. These herbs are so disgusting, that I really did not want to have to drink it. Luckily I didn’t have to. These are the same herbs you can help to induce a full term pregnancy. They are like a natural version of the hospital given Pitocin. Also, a friend just told me, that Black and Blue Cohosh can be found homeopathically, and they are called Caulphyllum and Cimicifuga.

It’s been over a week now since my “deadline” and I stopped bleeding on that day. I have had no more pain or blood, which I am very, very happy about. I can finally start to move on emotionally now that the physical process is done.

I so hope that this helps anyone going through a miscarriage and looking for information about natural miscarriage (since there is not very much online about it) and how to help complete it on your own.

If you would like to read more about my natural miscarriage story, click here.

 

 

Stephanie Brandt Cornais a Licensed Massage Therapist,  Certified Itsy Bitsy Yoga Facilitator, Certified Doula and a Birthing From Within Mentor.

She blogs at MamaandBabyLove

 

Comments (143)

  1. I’m a little blown away or did I miss something?!!! I read comments of people asking how to end their pregnancy. How incredibly rude and selfish to ask someone how to cause a miscarriage that couldn’t stop theirs. I just miscarried tonight and let me tell you it is a very heartbreaking experience. I too was about 12 weeks and to see my little baby, his arms and tiny fingers, his legs and tiny little toes. Hands together as if in prayer tucked under his oh so tiny little head appearing to be cozy and sleeping like precious little babies do yet knowing that that was the most I would ever get to see of him that this was it, it was over. I would never see him laugh or hear him cry. I would never hold him in my arms and kiss his little cheek. The dream of seeing him grow and blossom into a young handsome man, hopefully one just like his father, was gone, shattered. The joy he would bring us the love we would give him all taken away with no explanation. AND YOU DARE ASK “How can I kill my baby?” REALLY?! May God help you.

    Reply
  2. Thank you so much for this useful information. I, too, went through a miscarriage ordeal and many of these remedies assisted me in my healing process. A year and a half on from my miscarriage, I still had major discomfort in my lower right quadrant, no idea if it was my ovary, fallopian tube (possible ectopic pregnancy) or my uterus. Nonetheless, I have recently been doing castor oil packs and the pain in my lower right quadrant has dramatically decreased.
    It is said that castor oil helps break down scar tissue and fibrosis, boosts the immune system and is most beneficial for the liver and digestive system. There is nothing else that could have made such a dramatic difference in the pain that I felt. Intuition told me that it was some sort of scar tissue remaining from the miscarriage and this seems to have possibly shown that that was true.
    I thought I’d just share some information with others experiencing the same pain and/or discomfort and in addition to all of the above, I would strongly suggest castor oil packs.
    See the following link: http://www.edgarcayce.org/are/holistic_health/data/thcast1.html

    Reply
  3. Hi I just wanted to say to anyone needing this info that cinnamon the spice will have absolutely no effect on inducing a miscarriage. You have to use the pills which have completely different properties. The elements needed for this purpose are removed for the spice form. Good luck to all.

    Reply
  4. Good day to you, Stephanie.

    But it’s not so good for my fiancé and it has been that way for some time. And I need to know what’s wrong and what can I do to save her.

    My fiancé is pregnant. (her last menstrual was 5th April so I am guessing 4 weeks pregnant). But for the past three weeks or so, she has been:

    - vomiting (A LOT)
    - feeling nauseous
    - having on and off fevers
    - dizziness
    - cold sweat
    - terrible headaches
    - depression
    - loss of appetite due to vomiting whatever she ate
    - having insomnia
    - feeling fearful

    WHAT IS GOING ON? She is now so weak that I am afraid of loosing her, I know pregnancies are difficult, but this is something else…please help me help her.

    I need to know if these are miscarriage symptoms. Please advice…we can’t afford the prejudice of doctors here and the consultations alone are cut-throat without any helpful advice and soulless perceptions.

    Regards & prayers for hope from you,
    Anthony.

    Reply
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  6. Hi, I am almost 5 weeks and need to know how much cinnamon you ate and how much raspberry tea u drank. I am not ready for a baby and this information has really helped

    Reply
    • I’m sure he or she will be a huge gift to whomever gets to have them. May God bless you and your child. I hope the father turns his life around and helps support the birth of your gift.

      Reply
  7. I need to know how to enduse a miscarriage.safely and as painless as possible.

    I need to know how to start it and finish it. I I am in need of information. As much as I can find about how to cause/enduse a miscarriage safely. And naturaly.

    If you know how please tell me!
    Im about 1-2 weeks from when I was suposed to have my period but it never happened. I havent taken a pregnancy test yet. But will soon.

    I need information now so I can be prepared. Please respond as soon as possible.

    Reply
  8. I want to testify to everyone on how my husband and i got children after our 5years of marriage. we got married and we could not conceive a child we have been to several hospitals for checking and the doctors always say that we are okay that nothing is wrong with us, we have been hoping for a child, my husband was beginning to keep late night outside and pressure from the family for him to marry another wife and divorce me, i was always crying and weeping because i was loosing my marriage. so i visited my friend in Florida and she told me that she also have been through this same situation but she got her help of getting her own child from a great priest of fertility from Africa, so she told me that she will contact me to the priest and he will do some fertility spell for me to have my own child, i spent 4days with her in Florida and we both email the priest and he said i should bring all my information to him and he said in 2days after the spell will be completed. so i waited and i went back made love with my husband and i conceive. so i am very greatful to the priest for his help and miracle that help me save my marriage. please for same help, conatct him on fertilitytemple@yahoo.com

    Reply
  9. Hi there I’m 18 turning 19 and well I was in a foster home and was put under pressure to have sex and I’m not proud of that but I really have a problem I just got out of school and living with a friend and have no relatives and no job yet and I’m 2m pregnant but I really don’t want an abortion and I don’t want to go thou the whole pregnansy sickle and I don’t have money for a doctor please help me

    Reply
  10. I’m confused…do you do these things because you WANT to have a miscarriage or because your baby already died and you’re trying to pass it naturally?

    Reply
  11. I had sex around 3 weeks ago and the guy I did it with left me for another woman, and I we never speak. I think I might be pregnant because a week or two we had sex I been feeling sick, wanting to throw up, but never did. plus I am now 2 days late… I know if I’m pregnant I should tell him but he told me if I’m pregnant he will leave, and I have a new man in my life I cant have a baby with the old guy. both financial and personal reasons.. please help me!!

    Reply
  12. I was told last week 9 weeks my babys heart beat had stoped, It look me a whole week to misscarry naturally, it has been so heartbreaking having to deal with it all let alone the awful pain I’ve had, it had been such a horrible experience for me physically an emotionally :( but to all u girls that are writing that you want to try to misscarry a healthy pregnancy are sick in the head, there’s hundreds of women like myself that would have given anythink just to have a healthy and safe pregnancy and then there’s silly girls like you that want to basically kill a healthy life u should be absolutely ashamed to even get the chance of becoming parents or better still get you fella to put something on the end of it, made me feel sick reading some of them comments when theres women like my self grieving of the loss we have had to go trew when we wanted it so bad n then these silly girls that want to know ways to misscarry a healthy pregnancy that’s got me so angry!!

    Reply
  13. I have a testimony to share,,My Name is Mrs Georgina Alexander am from the United State am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in California,I married for about 24years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female.
    Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across this witch doctor in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,,How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect,that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant.Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,,While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide.
    please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Mrs Georgina Alexander from USA directed you, his email fertilitytemple@yahoo.com

    Reply
  14. I’m trying to miscarry but don’t want to go to the doctor I want it to be a secret type thing, I know this sounds bad but I need help please

    Reply
  15. Thank you for posting this – I wish I had found this slightly earlier.
    I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage in 8 weeks, but the baby probably died in 6; and I wanted to expel naturally, no D&C. So, I did – no hospital, no painkillers, me screaming in pain and with hemorrhage – but it was ok, after 24 hours, or so it seemed. 2 weeks after that at a check-up they said some tissues is left. They put me on Mesoprostol to expel it, because I refused D&C but I have the feeling that I didn’t pass everything, plus a bad smell started to form. The doctor put me on strong antibiotics – more like a prevention. I also saw a homeopath who gave me Sabina – searching for this I found this post. My family is worried I’m doing something bad to my body by taking homeopathic remedies. I hope not. I’ll follow your advice even if it’s a little late…
    so, Thank you

    Reply
  16. Thank you for posting this! I have been searching the web for days, looking for quality information on natural miscarriage. I’m only about 5 weeks, and I’ve been hoping to find something soon out of concern that the process would be more difficult on the body if I attempted a natural miscarriage too late.
    I was stunned that it was so hard to find this information and almost gave up looking! I’m so glad I searched again.

    Reply
  17. I just wanted to say that there are 2 sides to posting about natural miscarriages there’s a + and a – first its great that this information is out there for the good hearted people who need this and 2nd this information in the wrong cold blooded hands could help someone to naturally abort there unborn and call it a miscarriage…

    Reply
  18. I am having a miscarriage at home as I type this. I was 10 weeks, 4 days but my baby died a few weeks earlier. The pain has been so intense, with no reward at the end like a normal delivery. I have searched the net for stories from otherwomen but it’s as if there is a stigma attached to miscarriage. Also, nobody tells you that you will be passing some nearly unidentifiable pieces of who knows what. From the pain to the things that expel to the noises it is a traumatic experience. And the grief and guilt are just beginning to set in although I know I did everything I could to be healthy.

    Reply
  19. I had a miscarriage two days ago. After hoping and crossing fingers for a month, I felt it the day before. It was four weeks. We were out with my boyfriends entire family after his brothers graduation. It happened in the bathroom at a restaurant. Its helpful to know what other women are dealing with and that its okay to let it happen naturally. How do I know when its all over?

    Reply
  20. I had an ultrasound today at 9 weeks 3 days and there was no heartbeat. My doctor said the baby measured 6 1/2 weeks, so after a few days of bloodwork over the next week, if my hCG levels are indeed going down, I’m going to induce my miscarriage. The idea of carrying around my baby that no longer has a heartbeat while I wait for my body to figure it out is so heartbreaking and I’m ready to get through this. Thank you for this guest post, and thank you Stephanie for sharing this information that is so hard to find!

    Reply
  21. I am almost 8 weeks pregnant. My whole family was in the room for the ultrasound last week and saw our baby and the strong heartbeat. I began bleeding a little a couple of days ago and went to the ER tonight with my husband. The ultrasound shows no more heart seat and the baby died and is still inside of me. I feel so sad and numb right now as I wait for my baby to come out of me. I am opting for the miscarriage to happen omits own

    Reply
  22. Im 10 weeks pregnant and a mother of a 2 year old boy, i’ve been so stress out so depress, and so lazy that i cant even pay attention to my son and it hurts me, this pregnancy is like killing me i throw up everything i eat , i cant even smell the food or even think about cause i’ll get so nausea and i dont like it
    I want to know if its 100% . . ?

    Reply
    • THIS ARTICLE IS NOT A “HOW TO” for inducing an abortion!!!! CAN PEOPLE READ????

      IF YOU WANT TO END YOUR PREGNANCY, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE & READING THE WRONG ARTICLE.

      This article is about avoiding a D&C IF you are already miscarrying a baby. It’s a gross lack of respect you show when you come on here (you & others) asking for advice to end unwanted pregnancies since this is NOT what this is about. This is about having a natural miscarriage at home when you are NATURALLY miscarrying.

      NOTHING in this article is about “how to end a pregnancy”.

      Reply
  23. One thing… orgasms. I was told to expect the m/c to take 3 weeks based on my HCG levels, I had 3-4 orgasms a day, I used a hitachi magic wand, always works. When I finally did miscarry at home a week later (twins, one 5 weeks one 7wk4d), the first chorionic sac and gestational sac were within a few hours of the cervical opening type cramps, then cramping continued for 6 hours with a lot of blood and not much else. At that point, I had another orgasm, which helped with the pain (I know of people who do this in childbirth) but within 15 minutes the second sac passed, and bleeding dropped to spotting, cramping to nearly nothing. I figure… why take a drug to contract when there are much better and gentler ways to make that happen yourself.. .that not only don’t hurt, but give you some endorphins to take you through some of the difficulty.

    Reply
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    Reply
  26. Thnk you very mch for this post. It has been three weeks now since I had the miscarriage, and I am still bleeding off and on, just as soon as I think it might be over, I start spotting or bleeding again. I wish to stop the bleeding naturally. I went in a week and half ago to see what my hcg levels were and they were in the 300′s. I have had 5 children, so I am not terribly upset, but I wish to move passe this already and be able to safely have intercourse with my husband now. Will Black Cohosh tea be sufficent to drink or does it have to be black and blue cohosh together? And what does raspberry tea do? These are the only two things that I have on hand.

    Reply
  27. Thank for providing this information! I’ve had to have two d&c’s in the past and really want to avoid having a third. Your suggestions have definitely given me hope that I can continue this process naturally.

    Reply
    • It does sadden me to see that some women have reached a point of desperation that they feel the need to end an unwanted pregnancy. I hope they would seek help from crisis pregnancy services to see what their options are. I can’t imagine the difficulty of handling an unplanned pregnancy but I do know that you need much more support than this article can provide.

      Reply
  28. Good day. I started to bleed lastnight. I know I’m losing my baby because it’s my 3rd. I’m mad at my husband for leaving me alone to go through hell again. Is it normal?

    Reply
  29. Umm.. I hope you know it can be called a ” natural miscarriage” really all it is is a hippie technique of abortion. I can understand if it was a product of rape, but if you have one because your not ready, apparently God thinks you are.

    Reply
  30. im 10 weeks. just found out today that there is no heartbeat, the baby is only 8 weeks developed aroundabout… im hoping that this is easier then a d&s….

    Reply
  31. I’m 5 months pregnant and I need this baby out I’m a single mother of two.. Findout late that I was pregnant but the only thing to do at the time was D&S… I don’t want to do it, I have been on the internet day and night to get infor of how to get rid of it naturally I so glad I found this and I HOPE IT WORKS FOR ME.

    Reply
  32. Malcolm,
    You’re an idiot with a reading comprehension problem. This is about avoiding having a D&C when you’ve had a miscarriage, NOT how to cause a miscarriage as a few other idiots before you have thought as well.

    Reply
    • Malcolm,
      You’re an idiot with a reading comprehension problem. This is about avoiding having a D&C when you’ve had a miscarriage, NOT how to cause a miscarriage as a few other idiots before you have thought as well.

      Reply
  33. Hello. i am sorry for your loss. I have a few questions if someone could please hel me. So my story is……I have 5 beautiful babies at home and love them to death. I am in the process of having an at home miscarriage. It started 3 days ago when I had bad sharp taring pain on my left side. The doctor told me I had a strained muscle or pulled one. but did a pee test and then sent me for a emgr ultrasound and blood work. At this point i had no idea I was prego. I was told by the ultraound tech that everything looked fine and that i could pick up my results tomorrow at the doc office. I went to the doctors office the folling day and picked up my test results. Still in pain and now bleeding lightly (thought it was my peroid early) i read the test. Not fully understanding i took the results to the doc right away. The test came back 6 weeks 3 days sac, no yolk, no heartbeat, tisuse mass seen within sac not form fetal pole. so I knew right away. it was a shocker. It truns out i was 10 weeks along but the baby did not develope and had passed/died at 6 weeks. It showed I had a hemerage between the plasenta and utrin wall. so after i found out i was upset on not knowing but not sure how to feel in all this. like i just find out and this is how i found out. so yesturday started the heavy bleeding and passing blood clots. woke up at 3am to find my bed covered in blood and bad cramping. i ended up passing somthing a bit bigger then a tennis ball. i have pased many clots and am in alot of pain. so my question is when does this end? what else should i expect? Y dont i have any feeling? and what should i do? pleae help me. thanks

    Reply
  34. s for this info. im about 3 mnths preg i tried the vit c just made me ill i tried blue cohosh didnt have affect. now im 4 mnths and desperate to try sommat else. i have 2 boys butreally cant afford another and a condom broke. i really dont want to do this. its depressing me that things might not work on me

    Reply
  35. i had a miscaradge about 3 years ago, and havent been able to get pregnant since, ive been trying to add a new additon to the family, i havent had any chance on having a baby of my own yet, when i went to the doctors and found out i had a miscaradge they told me i already let everything out, and i didnt need a miscaradge, i havent had any luck getting pregnant, should i get a dnc or what are your ideas on helping me get pregnant.

    Reply
  36. Having a miscarriage is a really sad part of every woman’s life especially if you are expecting and so excited with that baby inside you..But Whatever happens it is always God’s Will if he will give more time for us parents to be with our children. I’m so sorry for all the Parents who lost their angels..just be happy they are all with our Divine Lord..

    Reply
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  38. Hi I’m 8 weeks pregnant and I want a natural miscarriage, a year ago I had a miscarriage and it was horrifying. I’m an Arab and a Muslim so being pregnant can stone me. In order to get a dr to miscarriage me I had to be in the dark with a spotline and a doctor pushing his tools in me while I had a towel in my mouth. I never could recover from that. Now I’m pregnant again and I want to do it at home. Can I get more tips ?

    Reply
  39. I have a two year old boy and his sister passed in April of last year, now I find that I am 6 weeks along and only just turning 17, do you have any remedies to my situation that are less costly but still natural?

    Reply
  40. i had tryed all these remiedies that it says above why is nothing working? i tried from parsely to that tea to black cohosh to everything..what else can i do to have a miscarraige,im sorry to all yall that had them. but me personaly i dnt want a child nor bring one in, i was rape and didnt know i was pregnant so i dnt want a child that way…can some one help me plz. im bout 5 months and tryed everything

    Reply
    • Tiffany,
      I do not believe any of these remedies will induce a miscarriage if you have a healthy pregnancy. I am very sorry you were raped, but this far along in your pregnancy your best bet would be to consider other options, like putting the baby up for adoption. That said, this probably is not the place to air out the fact that you WANT to have a miscarriage… can’t you find some kind of rape crisis website for this? Not trying to be insensitive to your trauma, but I find your posting this here slightly appalling. Maybe Google a rape crisis hotline in your area…

      Reply
  41. Also, I want it to be done and over with, I wish they could have fit me in for the d and c Friday so that I didn’t have to go through a mini labor. If I had found out sooner I would have definitely opted for the suction d and c right away so that we can move forward and try again. For me there is no use in dwelling on a baby that obviously was not viable and not meant to be here. That might sound harsh and insensitive, but that is how I feel. I am certainly disappointed and saddened by this loss, but I want to focus on trying again, not what might have been.

    Reply
  42. I went for my first OB appt Thursday at 10 weeks and found that my baby had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Two days before my appt I had light spotting, but was told a little light brown blood was OK. It turns out my body was starting to m/c. My doc recommended the d and c and I wanted it… I am actually going to the hospital in the morning, but I don’t know if I will have to have the procedure as I believe I passed the baby Friday night. It was awful. Incredibly painful- reminiscent of labor pains and because of procedure tomorrow I could not take any NSAIDs for pain management. Part of me is glad that my body handled it naturally, but I do not think I would do it naturally again, it was just too painful and somewhat traumatic.

    Reply
  43. This girl think she prego I pray to god she is not and I’m not ready to be a dad so what should I do ladies please give me answers. Should I abort the child idk god help me.

    Reply
    • I could ask you to imagine your father writing the same email. Your vote would surely be DON’T DO IT DAD!
      There are many options that do not include abortion.
      1 – Maybe she’s not pregnant. Wait and see before deciding further.
      2 – If she is, she can give the baby up for adoption. Many families can’t have a baby and this would be a blessing to them.
      3 – Maybe she wants to keep the baby, and as a father I can’t imaging life without my kids. It’s the best!
      4 – There is nothing that says you have to kill the baby so you can have freedom. You could just take the coward’s way and leave. But then you would always wonder “What if?” Of course, abortion leaves you with the same question.

      – Clint

      Reply
      • John-

        This is a moment of truth for you, and how you react to it will determine what kind of man you are. This is, quite literally, one of those moments in life that separates the men from the boys.

        The important thing for you to remember is not to panic. And don’t take this out on your girlfriend. You both had a hand in creating this pregnancy- and you both have to deal with the consequences. She is going through a lot more physical trauma than you are right now, and just as much emotional upset. Your job is to be there for her, and be supportive to her.

        You should calmly sit down, take a deep breath, and have a talk together about what you both want for the future. You are going to have to face this with courage and a sense of responsibility. She may agree with you that an abortion is the best route right now- in which case you should look together for a nearby Planned Parenthood. You should go with her to the appointments and give her a lot of emotional support as she makes this decision. DO NOT make this about your own insecurities. You can deal with them later. Right now, you should take care of her through this process- it is not an easy one.

        If she chooses to have the baby- you are going to have to be a dad. That is not as terrible as it sounds. You will simply have to work together to find a way to make this work. This doesn’t mean you have to live together or get married or date for the rest of your lives… it doesn’t mean you can’t go to college or will never hang with your friends again. It simply means that you have to take part in your child’s life and contribute to raising him/her. A coward would run away. A child would throw a temper tantrum and blame his girlfriend for everything. A man would be compassionate, kind and bravely face and accept the consequences of the decisions he makes in life. If you choose the first two reactions, you will hate yourself later. If you chose to be a man, you can at least be proud of who you are and how you handled yourself. Your life doesn’t end because of fatherhood.. It just requires you to grow.

        Picture the man you admire most in your life, and then ask yourself what he would do.

        Reply
  44. Thank you for posting this. I have had recurrent pregnancy loss. I’ve been pregnant at this point a total of 9 times & have two living children. It is hard in a multitude of ways, but not knowing & understanding your REAL options only makes it harder. At one point I was seeing a reproductive endocrinologist when I was told the baby was not viable. He pressed for me to have a D&C right away, even though the baby had not yet passed even. Then the pressing turned into fulll out bullying. He went so far as to try to claim that I was risking my future fertility because fetal tissue could “fuse to my uterus” and nee to be surgically removed & cause scarring, etc” It was truly horrifying IMO the lengths he went to to try to ge tme to agree to it. I am a pretty sassy strong wille women & I even ended up finally agreeing to do the D&C & signed a waiver & aid I’d call back to set up the time JUST to get him to shut up so I could go home. I had no intention of making the appointment (and believe me, Dh was confused when I satrted to agree) – I just didn’t want to argue anymore. I felt very alone then. I belonged to an online support group for women with loss & even there, nearly no one understood WHY I’d wait a month to allow things ot happen naturally. So many of them not only went along with D&C’s but had requested them, just wanting it to “be over”. That isn’t how I am though. They were sweet, but also a bit pressuring in their oewn ways as they had fears about it as well & we worried for me.

    While I KNOW that D&C’s are sometimes needed….in all the years I talked to women online about loss (about 6 years or so – daily) and HUNDREDS of women – some who had one loss, some who had many, the most common time I’ve heard of women NEEDING D&C’s for hemmorhage has been among women who had D&C’s in the first place & continued to bleed after. I think that is much more common than women realize. And if you have recurrent loss, a significant factor is also to consider Asherman’s syndrome. Multiple D&C’s over time can scar the surface of the uterus & cause hardening, which can completely render a woman infertile. It is NOT common thankfully, but it is a real & horrible risk that should be thoroughly understood when making your decisions.

    I too have written in finite details abou tmy losses (this was several years back now) and shared it on loss forums. My hope is that someone out there will find some strength, wisdom & research in there tha tallows them toconfidently make the choice that is right for them & feel supported when they do so.

    Much love to all mommas out there – ones of angels & ones of living children, We’re all just trying to do the best we can & sharing our stories with one another makes it easier to do that.

    Reply
  45. hey can someone tell me if i am pregnant or not????
    i am 19 yrs old gal.. i had ma periods on 28Th June morning.. and i had sex with ma boyfriend at 1st July early morning around 4am.. after that even we had sex some more times that day.. i took an contraceptive pill(i pill) at 2Nd July morning around 11am… i am really tensed that i am pregnant or not.. is there any chance for me to be pregnant????

    Reply
  46. Katie Rose Alexander April 4, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve had five miscarriages, all natural. I wish you would choose a different image to accompany this article. That is a very pregnant woman, and if she lost that baby I doubt she would call it a miscarriage.

    Reply
  47. This is a little off topic, but I’m hoping the folks reading this may have the insight to help. A friend of mine is ready to pop any day. The problem is, she was pregnant with twins. One heartbeat stopped at around 5 months. The parents don’t really have an affiliation with any religion, and they have to deal with the death/miscarriage of one child while they celebrate the joy of the other.

    Any suggestions for what to do regarding the one who didn’t make it? A ceremony? Naming? They’re not even so sure what to do regarding a burial.

    Reply
    • I know that Catholics do funerals for miscarriages, so I would ask a church they feel comfortable with about a funeral. Or they could create their own ceremony to honor the baby to give them some peace and closure.

      Reply
  48. Pingback: My Natural Miscarriage Story

  49. I had two miscarriages three months apart. The first was very “by the book,” and passed naturally within a week of when I started bleeding. Of course it was very painful, but well, it is childbirth. By the time I had the second, I didn’t have the patience to “wait it out” and the bleeding was coming off and on. I might have no bleeding and then suddenly my clothes were soaked through. I was afraid to go out in public and I was also concerned at times about how much blood I was losing. I passed a small amount of tissue but I knew it wasn’t enough and I began to wonder if I would just be like this forever. That continued for a week and then I had a d&c. Emotionally, wanted to get it “over with.” The d&c was not traumatic at all. It was nice to not have as much pain as I had with the first one and to get it done. Even after everything had passed with the first, I continued to bleed/cramp for weeks. With a d&c, the bleeding is usually done in a day or two. I will admit that the d&c confuses your body a little hormonally and may cause postpartum depression while a natural miscarriage weans your body off the pregnancy hormones more gently. It’s a very personal decision and depends on your circumstances. Some women really need to get past the physical part of the whole thing quickly so they can begin healing emotionally while others may feel better hanging on to the baby as long as possible. Also, the natural way doesn’t always work. We do live in a fallen world, after all. I think natural remedies and medical science both have a place in our lives. God has given them both to us to use responsibly.

    Reply
  50. Wow I am just getting back to checking my emails today (Sunday) as on Friday, the day this post came out, I was having a miscarriage at almost 11 weeks pregnant. The night before I rushed in to my accupuncturist when I started mild bleeding. She gave me a treatment and some herbs a long with a lot of hope and encouragement. Unfortunately the next day I miscarried. The following day I went in for more accupuncture and more herbs and feel that everything has passed. I am barely beleeding anymore, do not feel sick and am not cramping. My accupuncturist told me I have a severly low kidney yang deficiency which translates in western medicine to low progesterone and acoording to her the number one cause of miscarriage. I am shocked and stunned as I had been doing traditional cooking for over 5 years and then went on GAPS 2 months before getting pregnant and continued it during pregnancy and felt healthier that even before.

    Sarah do you know what foods can help with low progesterone? I guess in spite of feeling so good I still have a lot of work to do. Before GAPS I do have a history of long time asthma medication usage so I would guess this played a big part. Fortunately my accupuncturist specializes in pregnancy and fertility issues and has a protocol of treatments to follow once my cycles start up again that along with herbs she says has helped many women in her practice to carry healthy babies full term. In the meantime any suggestions on foods to eat that would help as well would be greatty appreciated.

    Warmly,
    Tracey

    Reply
    • So sorry for your loss, Tracey. And thanks for sharing. I had/have a kidney deficiency as well and my progesterone was low as well. I starting taking and herbal supplement at 5 weeks and then upped to vaginal suppository prescription doses. I can’t think of the name of the supplement right now, but I will go find it and come back and let you know.
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  51. Excellent, excellent suggestions and a perfect combination of physical, emotional and energetic therapies. I am so sorry for your loss but so glad you were able to treat it naturally and avoid a D&C. I had an emergency D&C after a miscarriage and had problems for quite some time afterwards…if only I’d known about natural options then! Thanks so much for sharing and I look forward to keeping up with more from your site, Stephanie…we seem to have a lot in common!
    Amy Love@Real Food Whole Health\’s last post: Fresh Bites Friday March 9, 2012

    Reply
  52. As a homebirth midwife, I’ve helped women have a natural miscarriage at home. Once I had to take a friend to the hospital because she was bleeding too much. Remember, in the first and even second trimester that your blood volume hasn’t expanded much, so you can’t lose the two cups of blood that healthy women might spare at a full term birth. If you lose too much it can leave you more susceptible to infection, as well. I highly recommend calling on a midwife for help if things don’t seem to be going smoothly – we have lots of tricks of the trade to avoid a D & C.

    Here is a link to some tips for miscarriage recovery – including emotional helps. http://wisewomanhood.webs.com/miscarriagerecovery.htm

    Miscarriages are more common than most women suppose. Here’s to helping each other at this time of grief.

    Reply
  53. Why say you “failed” at this pregnancy, but were not going to “fail” at the miscarriage? You didn’t “fail” at anything. You experienced a natural and sorrowful event, a part of life’s cycle – sad, but not a failure. When people die, they don’t fail at life. It made me rather sad to read that. I’m very sorry for your loss and also for the other women who shared their thoughts and stories here. No one failed, there was loss, sorrow , and a painful experience of one part of the natural cycle of life. So many women have issues conceiving and carrying a child full term, calling it a failure is not healing or helpful, for you or anyone else.

    Reply
    • I don’t think of myself as a failure as a whole in regards to this situation, I was just trying to describe how I felt in one moment, leaving the OB’s office. I guess it speaks to my overall tendencies to want to get everything “right” and to be perfect, the perfect mother, the perfect wife, etc. So while I don’t think that I or anyone who has a miscarriage is a failure, it is a pretty normal feeling to have when you are miscarrying, if only for a fleeting a moment.
      Mama and Baby Love\’s last post: Link Love

      Reply
  54. I’m so, so sorry for you loss and thank you for posting this! In November I, too, had a natural miscarriage just shy of 12 weeks. It was my first baby so I’ve never been through birth or labor before, but my husband thought I was dying because of the pain and the amount I was bleeding. FInally, into the 3rd day I went to a home midwife for verification of everything passing. She was so helpful! She recommended I get an ultra sound just to be sure, so I did. At that point I knew I couldn’t get any weaker or lose any more blood without being hospitalized. I had the US and everything was clear. That was a relief! My physical pain was completely gone within a week of the start of the whole process. The emotional pain takes a little longer though.
    At the time I knew next to nothing about having a natural miscarriage & didn’t even realize it was a possibility. I’m from a ‘natural health’ family but no one really ever talked about miscarriage – they only talk about (and have) homebirths. My sister & sis-in-law called me part way through the process and sort of talked me through what was going on and what would help. Come to find out they had both miscarried naturally twice – and have had 4 and 6 babies (respectively) via homebirth. Their calm explanation and reassurance is what gave me the peace of mind to realize I COULD to it at home. But their recommendations to follow-up with the midwife were also helpful.
    I really hope those who are interested in something rather than the standard hospital route find your post! Thanks again for sharing your story.

    Reply
  55. I also chose to naturally miscarry (baby died at 6 weeks, found out at 8 weeks, finished miscarriage at 12 weeks) despite an OB pushing for a D and C. Like you, I really wanted my body to at least do one thing right on it’s own.

    It is hard to wait it out, but I felt it was the healthiest option for me and my reproductive future. I don’t regret it at all. It was my third miscarriage and the first to take so long and be so difficult.

    I also have three beautiful living children, and I hope you go on to have as many children as you hope for!

    Reply
  56. We miscarried our seventh child, a daughter, at 20 weeks. I carried her for 22 days after knowing her heart was not beating. She was born naturally at home. It felt like the right way to do things, and the time was very healing emotionally. My woodworker husband had the time to make her a beautiful little casket, which was an act of love and healing for him as well. I rocked her for a long while wrapped in a blanket I had made just for her, and I still know just the spot where she lay on my chest. The other children were able to touch her little foot before we buried her. I went on to have six more children, but the memories of her are peaceful and pleasant. No regrets:)

    Reply
  57. Red raspberry leaf is an overall uterine tonic. It strengthens and supports your uterus. So pretty much it helps your uterus do its job, whatever that job may be. Either to hold a baby in, or to contract and expel. Does that make sense?
    Mama and Baby Love\’s last post: Link Love

    Reply
  58. @Melissa Berger… you are right. I wish I knew what the statistics for when intervention is really needed, for example about 2% of all births truly need a cesarean (based on Ina May’s research) but I have no idea what it is for miscarriage. But yes, sometimes you do really need an D&C. The best thing to do is listen to your gut and intuition and decide what is best for you, because only you can make that decision.

    Reply
  59. I thought that raspberry leaf was supposed to be a fertility herb. I have been taking it. I am confused now.

    Reply
    • Red Raspberry leaf helps tone the uterus. It is a very helpful “herb” for all women before, during and after pregnancy.

      Thank you, Stephanie, for posting your story and experience! It is a blessing for those who are going through the same situation and for those of us who haven’t but trying to support them. Thankfully I only experienced early spotting with my first pregnancy, possible vanishing twin. Did experience my mother who suffered from a miscarriage at 16 weeks. My mother was only given 2 days to try on her own before the D&C. Being able to bury our little sister was healing for our whole family.

      Reply
  60. I’m so sorry for your loss. I immediately thought of homeopathy and am glad that you had someone there who could help you. I wish I had known all of this information when my doctor ordered a D&C for me. Thank you for sharing your story so other women can learn from your experience! Hugs!

    Reply
  61. Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I actually enjoyed reading it, you’re a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your blog and may come back in the foreseeable future. I want to encourage that you continue your great work, have a nice morning!
    Shawn\’s last post: get here

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  62. My doctor let me wait four weeks after seeing no heartbeat, and the baby had probably died two weeks before that even (at 7 weeks), she said. It was a long wait, but it was worth it, because I got to see my baby. Sooo tiny! But we got to see him/her and do a little burial with just our immediate family.

    I hope I will never again need it, but thank you for this great information!

    Reply
  63. I hope I never have to go through it again but being in pain for a week made the emotional side of it really hard. I would would have to weigh my emotional state for sure. It was strange how “laborish” it was in the end. Which made it that much worse.

    Reply
    • Totally. As soon as the pain, contractions and bleeding stopped, I emotionally felt so much better. And just this week, when having my first, post miscarriage period, I got very emotional again with all the pain and blood.
      Mama and Baby Love\’s last post: Link Love

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  64. I tried to have a natural miscarriage but after 2 weeks of times of excruitating pain, I went in to my doctor. I ended up having a ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured. The OB/GYN thought it had been ruptured for those 2 weeks. It was so hard….it hurt down to my soul. I totally believe in natural healing and eating but sometimes we need to listen to our bodies when it is telling us something is not right.

    Reply
  65. Natalie Vaughan Adkinson via Facebook March 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Thank you do much for posting this! I just wish I had this information a month ago when I had my second loss. After extremely heavy bleeding for 4 days, I was forced to have a D&C in order to stop my hemorrhaging. I really wish I could have tried these tips before I had to have the surgery!

    Reply
  66. great post. I’ve never lost a child or had a miscarriage… but it is good info for any woman or mother. or doctor. or anyone. This reminds me of my dear friend who just had her 27 day old pass away. not a miscarriage, but just reminded me. My heart aches for her.

    Reply
  67. I had a miscarriage late summer of last year at 5 weeks. I had started spotting a little, and I was scared that I was having (another) one. One thing that came to my mind as I worried was “If you’re going to have a miscarriage, make it the healthiest miscarriage possible”. I thought it was strange at first, but then it started to make sense. If I want to have healthy pregnancies, why wouldn’t I want to have a healthy miscarriage as well? After I was diagnosed with a miscarriage started taking a female comfort formula with black and blue cohosh, red raspberry, and other female herbs. Within an hour of taking them I started to bleed. It lasted for about 4 days. I ate good foods, and rested a lot, and within a few months I was able to conceive again. I really think that if I hadn’t done those things I would have had a lot of problems. The hardest part always is letting go of the pregnancy. I didn’t take the pills until the day after the miscarriage was confirmed simply because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to it till then.

    Thank you so much for writing about this. If someone has never been through it before they don’t realize how painful it is, physically and emotionally. You inspire me to write about my own experience some day soon. :-)

    Reply
  68. Thank you for posting. I too had a miscarriage in October at 11 weeks. I unfortunately had to have a D&C. My dr let me try it naturally for a week before setting the appointment for the procedure. I used acupuncture, red raspberry leaf, parsley suposatory to open cervix, and black cohosh, I could not find blue. I also told my body it was ok to let go. While I did spot, I never passed tissue and ended up having the D&C. It is defiantly something I never want to do again.

    Reply
    • Thanks for sharing your story, so sorry for your loss. Glad you liked the part about energy healing. I think energy healing gets left out on a lot of holistic/wellness blogs because it is still pretty taboo and weird. Acupuncture is technically energy healing, but it so much more socially aceptable. I am huge fan of energy healing and I am a certified Reiki Master myself, I wish more people utilized it.
      Mama and Baby Love\’s last post: Beginner Crochet Video Tutorial Series: Finishing Your Stitch

      Reply
  69. Kira Shaw via Facebook March 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I was so blessed to have a homebirth midwife talk me through my miscarriage. I did go to ER for confirmation that it was a miscarriage and couldn’t be stopped but I was stunned at how intense the contractions were for being 9 weeks along. Honestly I was grieving so much that the thought of going to a Dr for a D&C never crossed my mind. The ER did ask me to follow up with a Dr, but I never did. I couldn’t bear to tell one more person what had happened. I would never go through that alone with kids at home again though. It was way too intense physically and emotionally to be sole caregiver.

    Reply
    • That is wonderful. I had the help of a wonderful midwife as well. I know what you mean about going in for a follow up. The last place I wanted to be was in that damn OB office with that damn ultrasound machine. I agree, trying to care for my daughter was the hardest part. I pretty much just checked out for a couple of weeks, I feel really guilty about it, but hopefully no real emotional damage was done to her.
      Mama and Baby Love\’s last post: Beginner Crochet Video Tutorial Series: Finishing Your Stitch

      Reply
  70. Stacey Friesen via Facebook March 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    My D&C was definitely necessary. I miscarried naturally at home, but had major bleeding as well. If I was smart, I would have gone to the hospital much sooner. I waited well past a month, and was still bleeding! After the D&C, everything was fine again (other than my emotional state).

    Reply
  71. I wish I knew this for my 3rd miscarriage and avoided an unnecessary d&c. My 1st miscarriage passed naturally and no more difficult than a heavy period. My 2nd miscarriage, I bled so much so fast and without ceasing that I was bleeding to death within hours. A D&C was necessary to save my life. My 3rd miscarriage, I panicked, ran to the OB asap, he panicked and performed a D&C, which he later said went well because there was little left in me. In other words, the D&C was unnecessary.

    Reply
  72. Zoya Geacintov via Facebook March 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Really important post! Thank you so much. I was shocked to discover that there is little to no information on this subject when I went through my miscarriage. I was also surprised to find out how many women shared my experience. Thank you.

    Reply
  73. Sara Vandertil Karr via Facebook March 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    thank you for posting that as I did the same thing and honoured to find someone else that did

    Reply
  74. I recently had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, and I agree emotional part is the hardest! It may sound a little cooky, but I made sure to let our baby know that it was okay to go and that we would be okay and that I was releasing it into the arms of God…
    I don’t know for sure, but I think it had something to do with us having a natural miscarriage with no complications at all.
    Thanks for the post…so sorry for your loss.

    Reply
  75. I miscarried my 5th (5 months into the pregnancy) a few months ago and it was the single most dramatic thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life. I did not go to a doctor, and looked up as much as I could. Even though I stopped bleeding and had no other issues, this information would have helped! Glad it’s out there now for others to see and read!

    Reply
  76. I had a natural miscarriage as well, and luckily it was a pretty easy process. It was the mental part that I had the hardest time with.

    Reply

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